Honda and the art of fingering

One of the most written things about the Brio is that you can drive the car with just one finger. Just like most Hondas made after the VTEC era. The finger has been popularised by the owners of these new age Hondas as well as the motoring experts in their, well, distinguished reviews. The new age Hondas are great to drive in the city and are easy to park; said the experts. And you could do all this with one finger. What you did with the other nine while you were driving was, of course,  of no consequence. Neither were the feet, nor the handbrake, because it didn’t matter. It was all about the joy of driving in the ‘city’ and parking the Honda with ‘one finger’. Well, it depends which finger you use. The ecstasy, you know, could propornationely vary with each finger.

That said, if I really wanted to use my finger, I’d rather use it for more recreational purposes………Like typing. 

Well, the other thing about the Brio is that it’s a Honda. In India, it’s more like Sony. Everybody talks very highly of them. It’s like the go-to thing for the aspirational individual. Mind you, Hondas are very good. Very very good. But these new age, easy to park, sheet metal buckets which they pass off as cars in India, are quite shady at best. Anything sells in India; with a population of 1.3 billion, it’s not hard to find a few thousand buffoons. Not just with the Brio, hideous designs like the Maruti S-Presso and the KUV100 have also sold a few thousand units. In deeper introspection, the Brio actually scores when it’s compared to a few other models and that unfortunately, shatters my logic and rationale into a few million pieces.

The Honda City, Second Gen replaced a timeless classic. Honda actually sold great cars in India until that fateful moment when they launched the ‘Dolphin’. The roar of City’s VTEC and the classic lines of the Accord were replaced with a dreadful monstrosity that Honda actually called a car. Then came the line, ‘you can drive it with a finger’. The new ‘Dolphin’ did well and sold by the thousands. It actually sold so much that used car sites still have them listed by the hordes. It’s a Honda. And it’s like Sony for the Indian user. 

This has always intrigued me. All this one finger nonsense; until I drove one of them. You needn’t really drive the car to use the finger, cos’ you’ll be doing that to the Honda drivers anyway. Well, this brought me to another, rather astounding realisation. 40% of the chumps on the road drive Hondas. Like Sony. And if you pay attention, you will notice that the car irking you on the highway is most likely a ‘Dolphin’, or the Amaze, or the all new City or a Brio. I have a very close buddy of mine who used to drive a ‘Dolphin’ and he’s the worst driver among us by a country mile. So that annoying City in front of you could have been him. Or any other ‘Dolphin’ driver for that matter.

Now to the Brio. Honda stopped its production in 2019. We popped some champagne and celebrated. Now the cork has firmly lodged itself up our backside as Honda plans to re-launch the ‘New Brio’ soon. We look forward to a new set of buffoonery that will have more Sony loving Indians make a beeline towards the car that ‘loves you back’. All this tomfoolery aside, I firmly believe it will be better than the Honda City that killed the legacy of the glorious VTECs in India. With a snazzy dash, gizmos, smart  infotainment system and a host of buttons that can put an Armani suit to shame, the car, I’m quite certain, will entertain the Indian buyer’s imagination. In line with Honda’s quality of the interiors, it should be up a notch as compared to the competition. Verdict. It’s a Honda and the fanfare is inevitable. Like Sony.

So, while all the new age Honda driving ‘purists’ exercise their fingers to drive better, I better bugger off and handbrake a turn in an actual car, and hopefully, onto a road that leads far away from this circus. And if you look closely, I’ll be driving it with a finger……..sticking out through the window.

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